Willie Wapshots by Cyril Fletcher


This is the tale of Willie Wapshots
So very fond of taking snapshots,
Who asked his fiancee-rather rude,
To pose genteely in the nude.
She said 'I do not query whether
You should snap my altogether.
But let's make it refined and simple
And don't forget to take my dimple.'
So as he rushed floodlights to switch on,
She blushingly stood without a stitch on.
And chose poses pleasant and not naughty
Seven by the piano-forte.
Three by the cooker, so bewitchin,
Frying mushrooms in the kitchen.
And though she had to oust the cat,
One by 'Welcome' on the mat.
The film complete a problem hinted
Where was he to get it printed?
The results he knew would be delectable
But the local shop was so respectable.
Then as a magazine advised,
He saw a firm who advertised.
He sent it off and patiently
After three weeks he eagerly
Opened the pack-and did he yell-he
Cried, 'These photos ain't my Nellie!'
Had they done this to him on purpose?
Pictures of three clergymen-each in surplice.
He sent them back and in a note
Most angrily these words he wrote
'I did not take these holy Bruffers,
Mine were of Nellie in her buffers.'
A few days passed, the postman brought
The package that poor Willie sought
His photos and a note were seen
They fell from the parish magazine.
The photos checked, he took the book out,
'The Church of Luke upon the Lookout'
The note said, 'The Reverend Theopholis Knott
Would like one copy of the lot.
My curate, the Reverend Phineas Flatt,
Wants two of Welcome on the mat.
Whilst l, the Reverend Jethro Bloater
Would like the lady in the photer
Undressed as all her photos are
To come and open our bazaar.
We'll say, in case the ladies wail,
She gave her clothes to the jumble sale.
Nothing else could stand in parity.
To such an act of bare faced charity.'