Sheila Clock by Cyril Fletcher



In her bath poor Sheila Clock
Froze into a solid block,
And there with ice floes all around her
Was where her loving Mother found her.
Her Ma exclaimed with startled hiss
'The Doctor must advise on this,
I'll heave you out with ice complete
And slide you to him down the street.'
She met a plumber, Mr. Frizzle,
Complete with blow lamp and a chisel.
She said 'This 'ere's my daughter, Sheila,
She's gone all cold and clammy... feel her.'
He said ' 'Ave you an evenin' paper?
Before I start you'd better drape 'er,
Then I'll feel just where the ice is
And chisel round the fat stock prices
Her husband said 'If there's no hope
You might at least chip out the soap.
I can get another spouse without demur,
But not a cake of Quelque-Fleur.'
Whilst Sheila turning somewhat blue
Said 'Don't forget that I'm here too.
I rather think I'm losing face here
Sitting lonely like a glacier.'
Her Ma exclaimed 'You shut your mouth
Or I'll clout you on your frozen South.'
So then they sawed her from the bath
And put her to melt before the hearth,
And as the pools grew on the floor
Sheila said 'I do feel thaw.'
And never since has the bathroom seen her,
She rubs down now with a vacuum cleaner.