The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #32049   Message #419154
Posted By: Mrrzy
16-Mar-01 - 12:33 PM
Thread Name: Lyr Req/Add: Ode to the Four-Letter Word
Subject: Lyr Add: THE MORE VULGAR-MINDED (from Oscar Brand)
Nope, didn't see it. I have this by Oscar Brand on one of the Bawdy Songs and Backroom Ballads LPs, I think (Mom's records). Definitely Oscar Brand, but it might be on some other album. Anyway, here you are:

THE MORE VULGAR MINDED
[As recorded by Oscar Brand on "Bawdy Songs Goes to College"]

She went for a ride in a Morgan.
Her chauffeur was named sonny Jim.
He fooled with her sexual organ—
The more vulgar-minded say "quim."

Now she had a figure imperial,
And men beat a path to her box,
But she came down with sickness venereal—
The more vulgar-minded say "pox."

Her efforts got honorable mention.
There wasn't a man she would scorn.
One look and they came to attention—
The more vulgar-minded say "horn."

They would crowd just watching her make water.
'Twas a spectacle charming to see.
She could leak for a mile and a quarter—
The more vulgar-minded say "pee."

One night the good fairy came riding,
And offered a wish to the lass.
While she sat on her buttocks deciding—
The more vulgar-minded say "ass."

She said, "Were I built like an elephant,
Up to heaven I'd go.
I'd sit on the edge of creation
And drop turds on those buggers below."

In spite of the slimmest of chances,
She's passed o'er the heavenly walls,
And now she's the belle of the dances—
The more vulgar-minded say "balls."