Failure of a Pickup
Inspired by a Simply Weasels parody but heavily revised by Rick Pollay
Tune: "Lucille" by Roger Bowling and Hal Bynum (1977)

SLOW WALTZ ca 3:30

In a bar is Wisconsin, while scratchin’ my johnson
        On a bar stool I took in the scene
And I saw her walk over, seeming only half-sober
        as she bounced off the jukebox machine
When the pain finally hit her, she cried “I’m no quitter”
        Came up close and leaned on my knees
Said “I don’t want no laughter but, boy, what I am after
        Is what you got inside your jeans!

She was tall and pretty even though a bit gritty
        She was poured quite well in her jeans
I imagined I’d savor a taste of her flavor
       Tho’ I thought “This must be a dream”
But we stumbled to my pickup. She whispered “Hurry up”
        As we drove down the road towards my bed
Then I felt like cryin’ when my rear wheel went flyin’
        There were many four-letter words said

CHL You picked a fine time leave me loose wheel
        That woman was eager ‘tho I’m far from ideal
    I wouldn’t mind a hubcap, a bumper or a mud flap
        But why or why, my rear wheel
        You picked a fine time leave me loose wheel

Well we sat there for a while, then I gave her a smile
        But she said “Now I’m not in the mood!”
Without hesitation I felt total frustration
        Still enjoying fantasies lewd
So I begged and I pleaded that she had what I needed
        But she slowly opened her door
Along come a dump truck whose driver had dumb luck
        She was leaving with him that’s for sure        

    You picked a fine time leave me loose wheel
        That woman was eager ‘tho I’m far from ideal
    I wouldn’t mind a hubcap, a bumper or a mud flap
        But, why or why, my rear wheel
        You picked a fine time leave me loose wheel


Note: There are several other "loose wheel" songs zippered into the tune of "Lucille", such as

        Loose Wheel - Jan Unwin

On a road in Toledo, across from the depot,
I was cruising in my old heap.
It wasn't good lookin' but I was sure bookin'
and anyway I got it dirt cheap.
Me and my old lady were cruising 'bout 80
when the car really started to roar
Round the curve we were turnin', and something was burnin'
But I shoved that old gas pedal down to the floor

In the mirror I saw something cruise down the highway
I thought how it looked out of place
It was my tire, going like fire
I had a strange look on my face
I really don't know but, it looked like a donut
For a minute I thought I was dead
I started crying, I thought we were dying
I looked out the windshield and said

You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel
With four old bald tires, you were such a good deal
I've had some clunkers, some really bad junkers
But you were just a great steal
You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel

After the collision, I made a decision
I thought how I'd lived through it all
In the glow of the headlights, I checked out the damage
You really couldn't see much at all
I started thinking, I'm glad I'm not drinking
And these words came back time after time
CHORUS

See also, for different versions        
Loose Wheel
Balgaard Bros. (lyrics re repair)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_vjjck8R-c

Loose Wheel
By real trucker, "Captain Zig-Zag"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKaw0t3LqX0