From the collective collection...

A bloke phoned the vet in a blind panic and shouted down the phone, "Quick! My dog's just swallowed a condom!"

"Right," said the vet, "Don't worry - stay there and I'll be round in ten minutes..."

Five minutes later he phoned the vet again and said in a much calmer tone, "It's OK, you don't need to come now. I've just found another one in the top drawer..."