One from Steve :-)

An old boy and his missus had lived a very long and healthy life, thanks to her obsession with a carefully balanced diet, plenty of exercise and moderation in all things. But at the age of 95 they died in an air crash and were met at the pearly gates by St Peter.

"Well, you've lived perfect lives and you can come straight in. You can do whatever you like in here - eat, drink as much as you like, play golf all day on our heavenly golf course, watch films all day in our luxury cinema - anything at all, no medical or any other consequences, you won't get fat and it's all perfectly free for evermore!"

"What, no restrictions at all?" asked the old boy.

"None whatsoever! The perfect life for all eternity!"

The old boy turned to his missus and said angrily, "We could have been here thirty years ago, Doris. You and your bloody Bran Flakes..."