Going for the treble...

I told my mate that I have a pet termite called Clint.

"That's a strange name for a termite," he said. "How come?"

"His full name is Clint Eatswood..."

And a literal sick joke:

Two piles of vomit were walking down the road when one of them burst into tears.

"What's the matter?" asked his mate.

"You see that derelict old pub across the road? That's where I was brought up..."

And finally:

I asked the counter clerk at the motel if I could have porn disabled in my room.

"Certainly not! We only do normal porn here, you sick bastard!"