Eating Food is Wrong by Instant Sunshine


I was once a chubby man, merry sleek and stout
I made fried foods by the pan, free from shame and doubt
I cooked hearty breakfasts served with two eggs lightly done
Bath buns with my morning drink
Beer for lunch and chunks of steak, scones for tea and rich cream cake,
Eating food was fun!

Macaroons, marmalade, muffins that mother made
Marzipan, marshmallows, egg mayonnaise
Mouth-watering courses of meat with rich sauces
And crystallised tangerine, fondues and Florentine
Help me remember those halcyon days!

All my friends were podgy lads, jolly tubby types
I was not upset by fads, stomach-aches or gripes
Pies placed on the pantry shelf would not remain there long
I ate soufflés, steaks and stews, fritters, roasts and barbeques
Then I heard the stunning news: EATING FOOD IS WRONG
Sugar and alcohol, fats and cholesterol, buns, butter and beer make you ill
Sweeteners and cyclamates cause several sickly states
Yoghurts and cheeses cause painful diseases And puddings, potatoes and pastry can KILL!

I was once a dumpy man, now I’m lean and drawn
Health foods, greens and stacks of bran help me to reform
Now I toy with lettuce leaves, and sometimes chew a prune
Now my diets sparse and lean based on rice and soya bean
But I hope that now I’m lean I’ll feel healthy soon

I once mixed with fleshy men, happy, chubby chaps
But I’ll never smile again, now I’m fed on scraps
Po-faced pinched and pale I peck the food health-freaks allow
Though I’ll live to ninety-five I would rather not survive
Eating bran to stay alive I’d rather end it now
I’ll eat a deadly cream-filled cake and end the whole thing now
Eat up your pancake rolls, plum duff, profiteroles
Poppadoms, pizzas and pastas and pies
Don’t try to stifle your craving for trifle or give lame excuses for not eating mousses
EAT DRINK AND BE MERRY for tomorrow we die!