I DON’T WANT TO GET THIN
Words by Jack Yellen; music by Milton Ager; ©1929.
From the film “Honky Tonk,” 1929.

I. From the sheet music at Baylor University:

1. Almost every day I hear some kind friend say:
“Sophie, dear, I think you’re much too stout.”
Right off, they suggest The diet they think best.
They make me sick; I wish they’d cut it out!

CHORUS 1: I don’t want to get thin! I don’t want to get thin!
Why should I, when I’m alright as I am?
I’ve got a lot of what I’ve got, but my friends love it.
They’re no vegetarians; They like meat and plenty of it.
I don’t want to reduce; Furthermore, what’s the use?
They follow me around like Mary’s lamb!
The girls who talk of dieting get on my nerves.
If you want to keep your husband straight, show him a lot of curves.
That’s why I won’t get thin; You can laugh; you can grin,
But I’m doing very well the way I am.

2. You take Missus Stump; now, she was nice and plump—
Not too thin and not too fat, just right.
Then the silly goose Decided to reduce.
Well, now her husband phones me every night.

CHORUS 2: I don’t want to lose weight! The boys tell me I’m great.
My sweetheart loves me just the way I am.
I have no fear that he’ll go chasing other mamas.
He may find one who will fill my shoes, not my pajamas.
I don’t care what I weigh; I eat pie every day.
I hate pineapples; I don’t care for lamb.
I tell you very frankly, I weigh one-sixty-three,
But many a Sonny Boy has tried to climb upon my knee.
So why should I get thin? Bring that pastry tray in!
’Cause I’m doing very well the way I am.

II. From the recording by Sophie Tucker, with Ted Shapiro’s Orchestra^[1], on His Master's Voice B 3132, 1929, at the Internet Archive. I have marked differences with boldface.

1. Almost every day I hear some kind friend say:
“Sophie, dear, I think you’re much too stout.”
Right away, they suggest The diet they think best.
They make me sick; I wish they’d cut it out!

CHORUS 1: I don’t want to get thin! I don’t want to get thin!
Why should I, when I’m alright as I am?
those slender-waisted mamas, they make me laugh
My goodness! Men like to see a little fore and aft
I don’t want to reduce; Furthermore, what’s the use?
When the men follow me around like Mary’s lamb!
The girls who talk of dieting, gee, they get on my nerves.
If you want to keep your husband straight, show him a lot of curves.
I don’t want to get thin; You can laugh and you can grin,
But I’m doing very well the way I am.

[In the following spoken interlude, Miss Tucker has a dialog with a Ted Shapiro, who also played piano; I have indicated his lines with TS.]

[TS] Miss Tucker. I think you could do with a pound less or two.
[ST] Look what’s talking! If he’d close one eye, he’d look like an eagle.
Mind your own business, Teddy; I’m satisfied to be the way I am.
I’ve got a lot of what I’ve got, and my friends love it.
Mind you, they’re no vegetarians; they like their meat and plenty of it.
[TS] Well. I think you could spare a pound here or there.
[ST] Nobody’s asking you, young man; keep your mind on your music.
[TS] I can’t when you’re around.
[ST] Look where I am not.
[TS] I can’t see that far.
[ST] All right, I’ll buy you some field glasses.
I’m fat, and I know it, and I intend to stay fat.
[TS] Miss Tucker, you shouldn’t say fat; in the best places, they say one is stout.
[ST] Ha-ha! In the best places, I’m fat!
As I was saying, folks, I’ll eat anything.
[TS] Anything?
[ST] Anything!
[TS] You won’t eat ham.^[2]
[ST] Well, we’ll leave politics and religion out of it.

I’ve noticed one thing, girls; you can store this in your dome:
All the married men who run after me have skinny wives at home.
[TS] You’ll have to be much thinner to attract a young sheik.
[ST] Don’t worry; I’m doing all right with the Spaniards and the Greeks.

CHORUS 2: I don’t want to lose weight! The boys tell me I’m great.
My sweetheart loves me just the way I am.
I have no fear that he’ll go chasing round with other mamas.
He may find one who will fill my shoes but not my pajamas.
I don’t care what I weigh; I eat pie every day.
I hate pineapples and I don’t care for lamb.
I’ll tell you very frankly, I weigh one-sixty-three,
But many a Sonny Boy has tried to climb upon my knee.
I don’t want to get thin; You can laugh and you can grin,
But I’m doing very well the way I am.

- - -
[1] The record label credits “Ted Shapiro’s Orchestra” but the only instrument I can hear is a piano, played by Shapiro himself, I presume.

[2] It was well known that Sophie Tucker was Jewish. One of her big hits was “My Yiddishe Momme,” which Shapiro also played on.