A parody from the ever-delightful Elizabeth Block:

Years ago some poor slob of a church secretary committed a world-class typo. I took it and ran with it:

God rest ye merry, gentlemen, let nothing you dismay
Remember Christ our saviour was born on Christmas Day
To save us all from Santa's power when we had gone astray
Oh tidings of candy and toys.....

The Santa Claus parade is just the place to catch the flu
You sit around while wind and rain turn toes and fingers blue
And listen to the honking of the cars that can't get through
And get climbed on by little girls and boys.....

Small children visit shopping centre Santas by the horde
They stand in line for hours, growing hungry, cross and bored
And then they ask for presents that their parents can't afford
Things they've seen on TV that make noise, horrible noise
Things from TV ads that make a lot of noise

At Christmas parties drunken men make passes left and right
In stores exhausted shoppers find it hard to be polite
And meanwhile the post office loses parcels just for spite
Some it loses, and some it destroys......

When Santa Claus has gone at last and taken his reindeer
And we are nursing headaches brought on by too much good cheer
We all will say, Thank God that's over for another year!
We've had far too much candy and toys, candy and toys
For a while let's have no candy and toys