THE BALLAD OF TED RAMBLEAT

Let me tell you all a story 'bout a sheep named Ted,
Seems once upon a time the critter shot his shepherd dead.
Said "Sheep are stupid but this ram is no one's fool!"
So he loaded up with shepherd-shot, and aimed his hoof to pull!
Trigger, that is.
Full bore.
(Deadly.)

Along came the forensic team to find the evil doer,
No human perpetrators trace, just pellets of manure.
So they tested all the cloven hooves for Hoppe's Number Nine,
And when they got to Teddy's wife she bleated (nearly whined),
"Take me in!
It was my fault!" (Adultery.)

But Ted was quite the gentleman and glad for what he'd done;
He bleated out the tale of how the shepherd'd had his fun.
For Ted's dear wife was just the last of all the sweeter ewes,
To come to him in heartbreak with the awfullest of news.
Warn't no shepherd's crook. From behind. (Forcibly.) So in the end they ruled it justifiable homicide.
Found traces there of condom use ('twas lubed, with spermacide).
So shepherd boys take notice of poor Mokhtar's sad affair...
Apparently rams get nasty if you ram their ladies there. Private parts.
Unmentionables.
(Bestiality.)

Ted's in witness protection out there lolling by the pool,
Cuz the desert is no place for sheep, with all that heavy wool.
His wife and all their lambkins keep him merry company,
At the Grand Hotel Chez Akbar, there in Sidi Barrani.
Sued for damages.
Busted porn ring.
(Punitively.)

~S~