Bob and Carol and Ted and Fenris: A Valentine's Day Romance
(Child 699)        
Lyrics: Lady Mondegreen

Can be sung to The Pace-Egging Song (traditional Yorkshire ritual song, as sung by the Watersons), Young Rambleaway (also by the Watersons), Sweet Betsy From Pike, or any old tune that fits.


Robert and Carol and Fenris and Ted
Stayed at Elitewater, all in one bed.
“We chose this place ‘cause the hot tub looked glamorous
Don’t tell our families we’re polyamorous.”                                                

Carol and Robert were both thirty-four
Loved Joy of Sex and were ready for more.
Their best friend Ted, standing at their home bar
Mixed Irish coffee as they charged the car.

Fenris the husky was raised on peyote
Three-quarters dog and one-quarter coyote
Sneaking outside he would howl at the moon
Raiding the garbage cans like a raccoon.
                                
They left Mill Valley at twenty to eight,
Bright-eyed and eager for their double date
Four in a Bolt is a mighty tight squeeze
Ted fondled Fenris who sat on his knees.

They shopped at TJ’s for flowers and food,
All except Fenris were in a good mood
Stopping at Starbucks they drank frappucino
Farewell Sonoma, hello Mendocino.

Carol said “Boys, don’t you give me no sass,
Pull over here at the Quik-Stop for gas.
Let Fenris out for a pee and a poop”
Ted said, “I can’t find my red plastic scoop.”

Carol said, “Sweetheart, I don’t mean to nag,
You’ve got to put all that poop in a bag”
They caught the dog and were two hours late
When they turned west onto 128.

When they arrived they admired the big bed.
“Eat at the Beauj,” the young innkeeper said.
But they decided to go with the Flow,
“Do they have T-bones?” Ted wanted to know.

They drank tequila and sat on the deck.
Robert and Carol said they’d get the check
They got a steak and the dog got a bone
Ted got a boner and sat on his own.
                                
Back in Elitewater’s honeymoon suite
Ted arranged flowers and turned down the sheet
Brought out his bong and they all took a toke.
“Let’s go and get our massage and a soak.”

Wrapped in their robes they went down to the spa.
Bob said, “I thought it would be less bourgeois”
Carol flounced in with her whole entourage
Calling “We’re here for our thruples massage,

Where’s the masseuse?” But the clerk didn’t know
“Lakshmi left here half an hour ago
She took her Android and her yoga mat
It’s Halloween, so who knows where she’s at.”
                        
He checked his phone for another masseuse
Ted went to pee and then Fenris got loose
Jumped on the counter and licked the clerk’s face
He said, “Your dog is invading my space.”

Ted was pissed off but he knew what to do
Gave the massage place a one-star review.
“That clerk’s a narcissist, just like my mother
Let’s go to bed and massage one another.”
                                
When they got back to the honeymoon suite
Ted took his pants off and rubbed Carol’s feet
Till he got mesmerized checking his phone
Robert played fetch with the dog and the bone.

They loved each other, both soft and hardcore
Fenris, a good boy, stayed down on the floor
Bob got the lubricant off of the shelf
And if you want more you can write it yourself.



Fenris or Fenrir was a gigantic wolf, son of the trickster-god Loki. During Ragnarök, the Twilight of the Gods, Fenris slays Odin and sets the world on fire.

Beaujolais and Flow are Mendocino restaurants.