This is a bit of a compilation, but I have seen most of it happen at open mics.
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Not be a minute. I’ll just tune up.
(Tunes Guitar)

Can I have the music stand please. It’s a bit low for me, can you raise it please?

Now what will I sing? I Oh I know. It’s in my book here. Now let me find it. Sorry about this I had it a few minutes ago.
Right, here we go (Strums a chord) Hang on that’s in a different tuning, not be a minute.
(Spends two minutes tuning his guitar)

Right, here we go. No idea who wrote this, I got it off an old LP. I must remember to give it back Ha Ha.
(Finally begins with a 60 second guitar instrumental introduction before he starts singing)

Oops – I can’t sing in that key! Anyone got a capo I can borrow? Right here we go again.
Damn I can’t read my own writing. I’ll need my specs. I’ll just get them out of my jacket – not be a tick.  Oh hi Sid, how are you doing? Haven’t seen you for a while.
Here we go.
(Begins again – full guitar intro again – and finally does the song – quite well. Huge applause from his friends at the back – all of whom chatted to each other throughout his song.)

Thank you so much. I’ve had a request, but I’m still singing. Ha Ha.
Now, what next. I know – its in my folder here somewhere. Got it.
Oh I need a harmonica for this one. It’s in my guitar case, not be a tick.
Right here we go (Strums a chord). Ha ha, not in this tuning I’ll not be a minute.
(Retunes his guitar then finally begins with a 60 second guitar introduction then plays a note on the harmonica)

Oops I’ve put my harmonica in the rack upside down. Ha Ha. I’ll just fix that.
This is called Crossroad blues by the way. No idea who wrote it. Anybody know?
(Begins again – full intro once more and finally does the song. Huge applause from his friends again – none of whom really heard it)

Thank you, thank you. Pardon? I thought we got three songs? I’ve only done two. Oh OK then.
(Whips the lead out of his guitar making a noise like a shotgun come out of the speakers.

Sits down with his mates and talks loudly and continually for the rest of the evening).