TEMPERANCE UNION

We're coming, we're coming, our brave little band,
On the right side of temperance we do take our stand.
We don't use tobacco because we do think
That the people who use it are like to drink.

CHORUS: Away, away with rum by gum, with rum by gum, with rum by gum.
        Away, away with rum by gum
        It's the song of the temperance union.

We never eat fruitcake because it has rum
And one little bit turns a man to a bum,
Can you imagine a sorrier sight
Than a man eating fruitcake until he gets tight?

CHORUS

We never eat cookies, they make them with yeast,
And one little bite turns a man into a beast.
Can you imagine such a sorry disgrace,
As a man in the gutter with crumbs on his face?

CHORUS

We never drink Pepsi, it's made from cocaine,
And you might as well shoot it right into your vein.
Can you imagine a sorrier bind,
Than rotting your teeth whit blowin' your mind?

CHORUS

We never drop tea 'cause it comes from a pot,
And that could be evil as likely as not,
We don't mind the taste, but it's really bad news,
To get busted for holding what Tom Lipton brews.

CHORUS

We don't step on grapes because that's making wine,
And one single stomp turns a man to a swine.
Can you imagine a fouler defeat,
Than a man getting stonkered by licking his feet?

CHORUS

Shun girls who are witty and pretty and kind,
There's nothing like love for corrupting your mind.
At least in our circle it just isn't done,
Our kids are adopted, we never have fun.

CHORUS

So drinking and eating and loving you see,
Are bound to destroy Spi-ri-tu-al-i-ty.
Our tastes are austere and our virtue is pure.
We don't have fun, but our honor is pure.

CHORUS

1980s. A Songbook of some Middle Kingdom Favorites. p.23.
Undated SCA [Society for Creative Anachronism] mimeographed songbook.
Some variant verses from a group with their own song traditions.


See here: http://www.calonsong.org/CalontirSongs/Songbook-MiddleKingdomFavorites.pdf