THE STRAP THAT MOTHER USED TO FAN MY PANTS—A Pathetic Ballad.

1. I am dreaming of the childhood that can never come no more
When I used to fight with angel brother Pat,
When I loved to gather round myself upon the cabin floor,
And to monkey with the aged Thomas cat,
When I knocked my loving sister Mag half way across the room,
And upon her neck I did a song and dance;
But one thing, only one thing, o'er my childhood cast a gloom,
'Twas the strap that mother used to fan my pants.

CHORUS. O speak about it kindly, and do not leave it blindly,
Tho' oft in childhood's hour it made me dance.
That strap of toughest leather! O! what hours we passed together,
'Tis the strap that mother used to fan my pants.

2. I remember in the springtime when I wandered by her side
To the little old brown woodshed in the lane;
Where she dallied, O! how fondly with that little strap of hide
And I promised not to do so e'er again.
And how well do I remember when that interview did cease,
How about that little shed I used to prance,
And I ate my little breakfast off the little mantle-piece:
'Tis the strap that mother used to fan my pants.

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I don’t have the original tune for these lyrics, but they could be fitted to “The Little Old Log Cabin in the Lane,” by Will S. Hays, ©1871—which was possibly the inspiration for this parody.

Sheet music exists; it was offered, and then withdrawn, on eBay: "The Strap that Mother Used to Fan My Pants" by George Schleiffarth, (New York & Chicago: National Music Co., 1890)—but only the cover can be seen online.

The copyright date is questionable, because the lyrics were printed 4 years earlier in 3 Australian newspapers:

Penrith Nepean Times (Penrith, NSW: 11 Sep 1886), Page 63.

Kapunda Herald (Kapunda, SA: Fri 22 Oct 1886), Page 6.

Western Mail (Perth, WA: Sat 4 Dec 1886), Page 25.

(One of these was my source for the above lyrics.)

And later in an American one:

The Summit County Journal (Breckinridge, CO: October 10, 1891), page 4.

It is also listed in the table of contents of a book: Song Dex Treasury of Humorous and Nostalgic Songs, Vol. 2, edited by George Goodwin (New York: Song Dex, 1956-63)—but I haven’t seen a copy.