WHILE THE RICH MAN RIDES BY IN HIS CARRIAGE AND PAIR
Words and music by R. P. Weston & Bert Lee, ©1926.

VERSE 1. Mister William Shakespeare told us back in sixteen-twenty-four:
“Heav’n helps those who helps themselves, but it’s the poor that helps the poor.”
See the poor girl in the gutter, in the coldest of all Junes,
Crying while the snowflakes flutter: “Won’t you buy my air balloons?”

CHORUS 1: And the rich man rides by in his carriage and pair,
What does he care? What does he care?
Though the girl with her air-bags stands in London Town,
Shouting: “Heaven hellup me, I can’t hold them down.”
Up she goes straight to the heavenly gate,
But she can’t stop; her air-balls go ‘pop’.
She falls with a wallop in the Lycester Square,
While the rich man rides by in his carriage and pair.

VERSE 2. Millionaires who walk round Woolworth’s buying presents for their girls
Little think about the perils met by those who dive for pearls.
See the diver in the ocean fighting with an octopus,
While the cruel sharks stand waiting, thinking: “Here’s a feed for us.”

CHORUS 2: While the rich man rides by in his carriage and pair,
What does he care? What does he care?
Though the diver calls: “Hellup!” he heedeth him not,
But tells his man in livery to drive at a trot.
Bravely the life-boat crew comes to his aid,
But it’s too late; he meets a cruel fate.
In the shark’s internal organs, he breathes his last pray’r
While the rich man rides by in his carriage and pair.

VERSE 3. Hear the young squire on the racecourse whisper to his sweet young bride:
“My horse cannot run; we’re ruined; Donoghue’s too ill to ride.”
Hear the bride say: “Where’s his trousers? I can fix them with a pin.
I will ride Black Bess to vict’ry; I will ride Black Bess to win.”

CHORUS 3: And the rich man rides by in his carriage and pair,
What does he care? What does he care
That the young Squire’s fortune is all on the horse?
His sweetheart May Penelope will ride up the course.
Hark to the bell! Now they’re off! How they yell!
She flies away while crowds shout: “Hooray!”
She’s winning— No! No! Joy has turned to despair,
For the rich man rides by in his carriage and pair.

RECITATION: It was Christmas Day in the workhouse, and dangerous Dan McGrew
Was fighting to rescue the pudding from a lady that’s known as Lou.
The up spoke one old pauper, and speaking from 2LO,
He said: “List to the tale of Gunga Din, the whitest man I know.”
It was on the schooner Hesperus; it was sinking with all hands on shore,
So we wired: “Send the lifeboat from Wigan; we’ve never had that here before.”
But the brave lifeboat men, sir, at Wigan, replied on a postcard: “No fear!
It’s too far to come to the Goodwins; wrap the wreck up and send it on here.”
’Twas a terrible railway disaster [whistle]; when the Scotch Express came with a roar.
It gave a shrill blast on its whistle; it was Scotch, so it wouldn’t give more.
It was then that the accident happened; they found ’mid the rattle and din
A Scotsman had mislaid his corkscrew and the cork had been pushed too far in.
We were all marching on to Khartoum, sir, and we knew by the cannon’s loud booms,
The Sepoys were drawing our gunfire and Tom Webster was drawing Khartoums.
Then Nelson fell back and he whispered: “Put my statue in Trafalgar Square,
But tell them to make it look like me; I don’t want an Epstein affair.”
But, see! There’s a man on the glacier; his nose is turned into an icicle.
Don’t you know him? It’s Walls the ice-cream man riding round with ice-cream on his tricycle.

CHORUS 4: And the rich man rides by in his carriage and pair,
What does he care? What does he care?
For the poor mountaineer who on that mountain pass
Goes searching for vanilla ice at fourpence a glass.
Down with a crunch comes the vast avalunch.
He’s underneath; he hangs by his teeth.
His top set won’t stand it; he falls with despair
While the rich man rides by in his carriage and pair.

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The British Library holds a copy of the original sheet music, but it can't be viewed online.

Reformatted sheet music can be seen at MuseScore.com. The above lyrics were copied from there.

A recording by Tom Brown from a 78rpm record (Grand Pree 18519, no date given) can be heard at the Internet Archive.

A recording titled THE RICH MAN DRIVES BY, performed by The Co-Optimists, can be heard on the album titled “Highlights from the Co-Optimists” (2008) at Spotify. The recording sounds much older than 2008.