Moby Dork
The Great Orange Whale
Lyrics: Hølie Tannensdøttir
Tune: The Greenland Whale Fisheries, traditional Scottish whaling song

I.

In the year two thousand twenty-six
On a freezing January day
Thirteen dog sleds from Denmark did arrive
To save Greenland from the USA, brave boys,
To save Greenland from the USA.

Our Captain stood on his snowmobile
With an iGlass and a flagpole
“There's a whale, there's a whale, there's a bloody orange whale,”
“And he leaks at every hole, brave boys
And he leaks at every hole.”

'Twas Moby Dork, the great orange whale
Spewing garbage from his spout
“If I can’t buy you all, I’ll tariff you to death
And laugh as I wipe you out, commie boys,
I will laugh as I wipe you out.”

Norway’s prime minister stood on a sleigh
Guzzling narwhal grease
“You attack your own citizens and sovereign states
And expect a prize for peace?” he guffawed,
“Will wonders never cease?”

II.

“Oh I need an island,” blubbered Moby Dork
“Where my friends can sport and play
With those sweet young teens, and those younger in-betweens
Who massage us night and day (wink wink)
Who massage us night and day.

“Oh to lose this island I love so well
‘Twould grieve my heart full sore
But for folks to read them dadgum pedo-files
‘Twould grieve me ten times more, naughty boys,
‘Twould grieve me ten times more,

“Call me Fishmeal,” said J D Vance
With his face in a frozen smile
“Play along, play along, play along with him,” he cried
“He’ll be dead in a very little while, me boys,
He’ll be dead in a little while.”

III.

We assailed that whale with our iHarpoons
Till the whale gave a flunder with his tail
And the Dow Jones crashed, four senators resigned,
And we nuked that bloody orange whale, brave boys
And we nuked that orange whale.

“Moby Dork doth sink,” our Captain cried,
“To the darkest pits of hell!
To garner support for Greenland sovereignty
Delights my heart full well, brave boys
Delights my heart full well.”

Oh, Greenland is cheerful again today
Though it’s white instead of green
Where there's ice cream and snow and the whalefishes blow
And the Yanks are seldom seen, brave boys
And the Yanks are seldom seen.



iGlass: an Apple spyglass

Norway’s prime minister stood on a sleigh
Slurping narwhal grease
“You attack your own citizens and sovereign states
And expect a prize for peace?” he guffawed,
“Will wonders never cease?”