THE APPLEKNOCKER'S LAMENT

On a very fine day in the month of May
A great big bum (big burly) came hiking
And he seated his pratt (himself) neath a big green tree
Which was very much to his liking.

On the very same day in the month of May
A farmer's lad caste hiking.
Said the bum to the son, "If you will come,
I'll show you some sights to your liking.

I'll show you the bees in the cigarette trees,
The big rook candy mountains
The chocolate heights where they give away kites
And the sody-water fountains.

The lemonade springs where the blue bird sings,
The marbles made of crystal.
We'll join the band of Dangerous Dan
Who carries a sword and a pistol."

So the bum set out with the lad at his back.
For six long months they travelled.
Than the boy came back on the very same track
And this (sad) tale (he) unravelled,

"There are no bees in the cigarette trees;
No big rock candy mountains,
No chocolate heights where they give away kites,
Or sody-water fountains.

No lemonade springs where the blue bird sing,
No marble made of crystal.
There is no such man as Dangerous Dan
Who carries a sword and a pistol.

He made me beg and steal his eggs (sit on his peg)
And he called me his jocker
When I didn't get pies he blacked my eyes
And called me his apple-knocker.

No more I'll roam from my very fine home.
I'll save my junkerino
You can bet your lid that this old kid
Won't be no one else's punkerino."

Wheaton H. (Skin) Brewer

March 23, 1927. Text #377. The Gordon Inferno Collection at the Library of Congress.


See online here: https://archive.org/details/1917gordoninfernocollection/page/376/mode/1up?q=lament