I am emotionally constituted for multiple chances. I can't really help myself. I've been given lots of latitude in my life, I give lots of latitude. "For all have screwed up and fallen short of the glory of Gawd ..." My most emphatic example of this is the fact that I was date-raped in high school and 20 years later I found the guy and gave him the opportunity to apologize and clean up the emotional mess he had created. Which he did -- and I was released from the steel trap that had been dragging on me for so many years.

However, being the forgiving sort, I've often been mistaken for a push-over, or a doormat, and I can assure you that ain't the case. I may forgive, but I don't revert to the same level of innocence. I even trust again, but once I know what someone is capable of, I'm definitely forewarned. And, I do have a line and once that line is crossed, I simply cannot let that person back into my heart again. I might be able to do business with him or her, or to be cordial when our paths cross, but if the deed has been bloody and mean, I figure there's cruelty at the core and I don't have any truck with cruelty. The trick is to be wise as the serpent and innocent as the lamb, doncha' know.

Some people are not capable of real intimacy -- and the essence of friendship is intimacy. If your friend is such a person, then it's fairly predictable that as soon as you start really getting close again, he'll pull the rug out from under you to sabotage the friendship and protect himself. It's not that they do this intentionally, but for whatever complicated reasons arising from whatever childhood decisions, some people just have to turn and run -- and create emotional waste -- when they feel themselves being "gotten to." These people I might have in my life, but I try not to be surprised when they do what they do. Serenity comes from not expecting pears from the apple tree.

ww