hesperis,

I e-mailed Tim Field, the originator of that site, *so many times* just saying "Thank you, thank you" because I finally knew what had been happening to me.

Whenever I was feeling particularly depressed and felt like a failure I would re-read the page about why victims are chosen and remind myself that the bully picked on me because I am a good person, good at my job, and because "I really can't think in such a twisty, suspicious way" - so then I feel much better.

I want everyone in the world to know what bullying is and why people bully other people, and what to do about it. I want it to be a regular part of the information people get about work and life and school etc. Part of my slowness to recognise it as bullying was due to thinking of it only as something which happens at school. But I know that it even happens between neighbours (an 81 year old friend of mine has been bullied by her neighbour for a few years and there is nothing much that she can do about it legally or through other processes).

In fact, one of the worst experiences I had of bullying at school was by a maths teacher who used to mercilessly bully the whole class. She ended up becoming a high school principal and recently retired after about 25 years in that role. Bullying rewarded! Our class reunions usually include a mass re-enactment of what she did to us.

The good news is that I confronted the bully early this month after a public meeting, 8 months after he bullied me out of my job. I knew he would be there so I rehearsed what I wanted to say and then went for him. He didn't have much to say. The last thing he would like is to be confronted about it, well, actually the second last. One of the things I told him was that I had given all of my evidence and documentation to the General Manager, i.e. his immediate manager, and that I had discussed it in detail with her (female manager, insecure male "manager" with a fear of his own incompetence). That would have been the *last* thing he would have wanted to hear.

I've figured out that demanding respect and exposing their actions and behaviour are the best defences against bullies.

Helen