What do you call a pretty girl in Salford (substitute the town you're near, but not in...)?

A tourist!!

Bloke runs into a Salford pub:

'Anyone got a large black cat with a white collar?'

'No!'

'Bugger! I've run over the Vicar...'

Bloke runs into a Salford pub, bleeding profusely:

'Whose is that black Jaguar on the car park?'