Jumbo Jet full of passengers in flight when all engines fail. Pilot announces that they have 30 minutes gliding time but as they are mid North Atlantic there is no chance of making land. Furthermore, due to inclement conditions there is little chance of rescue and whoever survives the crash will, like as not, die of hypothermia.

Everyone is very calm, fatalistic almost. Some begin to pray quietly, some write letters to loved ones. Others speak in hushed tones of their love for each other when all of a sudden a young lady stands and, with all eyes on her, cries, "I am still a virgin. I don't want to die without ever becoming a woman. Will some one help me, please!"

All are embarrased apart from old Albert, a Lancashire miner who after working at Leigh colliery for 40 years has decided to have a good holiday. He stands up and begins to unbotton his shirt. Some look away but some cannot take their eyes of the scene.

In his best lancy accect he says "Don't worry thi'sen lass. Ahl make a proper woman out o'thi."

Throwing his shirt to the floor in front of her he makes his demands.

"Get me shirt iron't quick. Ah've a darts match toneet..."

Cheers and hope yer do is reet gradely

Dave the Gnome