I don't tell my wife not to come to a show, I think that would be weird--she is a grownup after all. Literally speaking though, I do usually leave her at home, cause she's not my roadie. She shows up at show time, to provide audience support, usually brings some audience with her, might or might not stay to the end and help load out. It's my job not hers. Conversely, since I'm working, she sorts out the kids for the evening.

It makes sense to advise her what kind of an environment it's going to be. Then leave it at that. Telling her not to come sounds too much like saying "I'm planning on doing something I don't want you to know about."

But the real message I get from your opening post is that you are pissed off because you feel you were manipulated into a gig you didn't need or want. Why don't you just tell the guy that booked the gig that he should have asked you, because you don't want to play there and "he's not the boss of you"? Cancel and spend the evening with your spouse instead, how's that for a plan? Everybody will survive...

Willie-O