There are a couple of things I think about this issue.

1. I don't find commuication here at Mudcat any more messed up, overall, than it is IRL. To me this says Mudcat is not such a bad place.

2. There are fewer people here at Mudcat, in this large community, who I cannot deal with (effectively, functionally, and mutually productively) than there are in the small community in which I move, IRL. To me this says Mudcat is a pretty good place.

3. I DO find communication here is often more effective, functional, and mutually productive than it usually is IRL. The depth, frequency, and breadth of high-level communication here is actually amazing. To me this says Mudcat is a REALLY good place.

4. I run across more people trying to intentionally grow and develop as a human being, here at Mudcat, than I run into IRL, although I expect it equally in both settings. Part of this reality is that in doing this, those so engaged encourage and help and support others similarly engaged. To me this says that Mudcat is a special place.

5. ALthough I often fall short of implementing what I know works, what I know works is to affirm what is good, whether large or small, and especially if it is a step someone is taking in a positive direction... especially here at Mudcat.

6. I know through a long process of dedicated effort in a number of settings, personal and professional, that a smidge of attention placed accurately on a good thing trying to happen has a MUCH, MUCH greater total effect on the wellbeing of all that is occurring than does even the most informed, accurate, caring criticsm.

What I find to affirm in this thread is that we all (who are posting) seem to care about our Mudcat community, want it to function well, and that there are a large number of smart people who think about it.

What I think is worth acting upon is this-- that it is our own responses to whatever we find hard to encounter, that we can see with some accuracy, that we can hope to understand, that we can work on if we choose, and that we can be responsible about. The effort to make sense out of others' behaviors that, at heart, do not make sense, will bring us back to that each time we try to think about it. The problem we can address is never "That Guy Over There." The problem we can address is always, "How do I respond this time to what I perceive about That Guy Over There?"

I like to look at the potentially-long moments that flash by so fast. Here is one, and we can let it flash by or we can modify our awareness and see into it. Here is what I see when I do that... Whatever "That Guy Over There" has just done, each time, is done.... it's OVER. We cannot affect it; it is done. What we can do, each time, hasn't happened yet. And this makes a big, powerful opportunity, limited only by our flexibility and ingenuity. Our moment to respond is always before us, a blank slate awaiting our wisdom.

~Susan