Far out Clinton............

So, what do Canadians have to be proud of?

1. Smarties
Off to a bad start here......

2. Crispy Crunch & Coffee Crisp
and not improving much yet.......

3. The greater length of our footballs fields and one less down to get across it in
This is because your math skills are low and it's too damn cold to play longer

4. Baseball is Canadian
Well that might be, but YOUR national anthem does not end with the words "Play Ball" as does the "Star Spangled Banner"

5. Lacrosse is Canadian
This is something you're proud of huh?

6. Hockey is Canadian
Then you get credit for the "Friday Night Fights" too!!!

7. Basketball is Canadian
Yeah, I hear you created a lot of goodwill with those "Calgary Globetrotters"

8. Apple pie is Canadian
Y'all build a lot of Chevy's too but they can both give you the shits

9. Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers ass
Didn't Sgt. Preston arrest them both for gross sexual imposition with King, his wonder dog?

10. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts ass
And stolen by a good Ohio boy

11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed the Americans back... past their 'White House'. Then we burned it... and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied.
And in doing so (and not fulfilling your responsibilities as a conqueror) you have thrown upon the world the likes of Warren G. Harding, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and now that fockin' Shrub!!! You guys have a LOT to answer for!!!!

12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
I wouldn't touch this one with a 200 foot hockey stick

13. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere.
Make that a 300 foot stick

14. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
And now you don't have any neat battlefields to visit

15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing...but showed up just in time to get caught.
and none of those great statues either!

16. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
Do you compare yourselves to Cleveland too?

17. The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around as the world's oldest company.
Probably worrying Bill Gates to death

18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
Sorry about your Mom Clinton

19. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
And when does your Dad get out of jail?

20. We don't marry our kin-folk. (except in Dubreilville and Timmins, hence Shania Twain)
How IS your wife?

21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year.
I want to personally thank you for all the lives saved by Zamboni machines

22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
Yeah, thank god for them Zambonis!

BUT MOST IMPORTANT!

23. ....the handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on.
I knew you had a good one in here somewhere!!!

OOOOoohhhhh Canada!!...

Oh yeah, and our elections only take one day.
And you can't get anybody worth a damn either!!!

Spaw

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