Zebedee,

I can relate to your need to know that you will have some personal space. Hubby and I are mid-40's and only got married a couple of years ago. Both of us have been mostly single for the major part of our lives, before that, so we have built up our own ways of living.

I was very concerned that both of us would have trouble adjusting to living in the same house, but we respect each other's needs for time to ourselves, and we communicate pretty well.

Yesterday, by sheer Mudcat coincidence, there was a topic on the radio about a recent men's conference in South Australia. The topic they were discussing on the radio was that, to put it in Ozspeak, "every bloke needs a shed", i.e. men need a place to potter about, do what they want, on their own or with their mates.

The thing that made me laugh knowingly was a listener who phoned in and said that the first thing he did when he moved to a new house was to build a shed/garage. That's the first thing that hubby did when he moved in here. Now he has a 2 storey playhouse which he spends a lot of his spare time in. He also uses it for card nights with his mates. He has to set up his workbench, but he does his computer fixing upstairs for himself and his friends, so it's his haven.

On the topic of garages, as well, there has been an ad on tv here where a man is fixing up engines on the kitchen table and his wife is ringing around garage building companies. The punch line is that *she* ends up sitting in the garage, all nicely set up, watching tv and being as happy as a pig in mud, while hubby's space is still the kitchen table.

So, my advice is: get a shed, or your own space, figure out a workable arrangement between you to respect each other's need for space, and just do it.

All of the reservations still apply though. I've moved in too quickly with people and regretted it totally and very soon, too. Make sure that this lady is truly the one you want to be with. Don't make the decision based on anything other than knowing, without doubt, that she is the one you want to spend your life with.

I was 42 when I found my hubby and we both knew within a very short time that this was *it*. If this isn't it for you don't pretend that it is - that's the worst mistake I ever made in my life, before I met him. And moving in with the wrong person doesn't get better, it just gets worse and worse, and more difficult to get out of withouth both being wounded.

Sorry for the long rant,

Helen