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Let's have some fun. Mudcat wit is legendary, post your best (or worst, depending on point of view) pun/play on words here. I will start with this one.
Once upon a time there was a guy called Stan Roberts.
Stan had done very well for himself. He had a great job that paid well enough for him to live in a fantastic six bedroom house and to cap it all he had a girlfriend called Lorraine Butt who was very beautiful and he liked her a lot.
One day when out for an evening with friends he met a another girl. Her name was Claire Lee and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too.
But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't do anything with Claire while he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He just didn't know what to do. Eventually he summons up the courage and takes her for a walk along the river bank. They are just starting out when Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. He dived in after her but the current rapidly carried her off and she drowned despite his efforts to save her.
The guy got out stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing.......
....................."I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone"