The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #33616 Message #449963
Posted By: Bardford
26-Apr-01 - 01:38 PM
Thread Name: Puns: Give us your worst/best
Subject: RE: Puns: Give us your worst/best
I was shopping for a Volkswagen microbus. A fellow who lived in the country had one advertised, so I went out to have a look. The guy had festooned the van with painted images of Sesame Street characters- Bert, Ernie, Big Bird, Cookie Monster etc. He handed me the keys for a test drive, and to take the bus to my mechanic for inspection. I was driving down the highway and saw a car on the side of the road with its hood up, and two nuns flagged me down. I pulled over (who wouldn't) and offered them a lift into town. Turns out they were both named Patty, and I figured having them in the bus would certainly test its suspension, as both were quite corpulent.
A few minutes down the road, another car broken down, and a young fellow in a wheelchair with his thumb out. I couldn't very well pass him by, especially since the two nuns in the back seat made it quite clear I should stop. I did so, and the nuns got out and picked up Ross, as his name turned out to be, chair and all, and squeezed him into the middle of the van. He was on his way to the wheelchair basketball tryouts for the Special Olympics.
Not five minutes later, another car broken down on the side of the road, well dressed fellow with a briefcase standing beside it. What the hell, I had an empty passenger seat, so I picked him up. Introductions all around, he was Lester Meese, going in to town for a very important meeting.
It took a while to get the van up to cruising speed, what with all the weight, but it handled surprisingly well. We were toodling along nicely, when, too my surprise, Lester Meece took his shoes and socks off. I looked in the rearview mirror- the nuns and Ross were staring gape-mouthed at him. Lester nonchalantly began scraping and digging at the callouses and corns on his feet, and I, in my utter astonishment, took my eyes off the road momentarily. The van hit the gravel shoulder and sailed off into the ditch, landing on the passenger side, trapping all my passengers in the bus.
A policeman arrived and took my statement, and called in to get some assistance:
" I'll need some help here. We've got two obese Pattys, special Ross, Lester Meese picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus."