I returned to the Mudcat, after a long absence, hoping to find it as I first knew it: a place enlivened with the comraderie of shared interest in folk and blues music. I found both the comraderie and something hurtful. I oppose censorship of material for adults, since I believe it to be more dangerous, in the long run, than what it seeks to control. What I support, and entreat, in the alternative, is good manners -- and kindness.

In that spirit, I want to re-introduce myself. I am an observant Jew, married, overweight, disabled, step-mother of three, mother of three more. Two of my children are adopted; my son, Joel is half Native American (Blackfoot and Cherokee), my daughter, Laura, is Vietnamese. Both of them have what are euphemistically called "special needs." I have African American nieces and nephews. My youngest brother and one of my husband's nieces are gay. And, incongruously, I was reared, till the age of fifteen, a high-church Episcopalian, in the pre-civil rights, W.A.S.P. south. I provide the bigots of the world with a goldmine of opportunity. But to people of goodwill, I offer a different kind of opportunity – the chance to look past multiple stereotypes to recognize the presence of an individual human spirit.

For those who need a way to understand the difference between what is and isn't offensive, I suggest the following two tests. If you substitute for "Jew" or "black," "Jewish human being" or "black human being," etc., is the joke still funny? If you turned around after telling the joke to find an eight or nine-year-old child watching you, and the child asked you, in curious innocence, why everyone was laughing, could you answer the question truthfully, without embarrassment?

One might suppose that I would be immune to slurs, having heard a great many. But the opposite is true: every fresh insult reawakens the memory of all the rest. I take those of you who have been posting to the "Non-Irritating…" threads at your word. Many of you have declared that you did not intend to give offense, and I believe you. I believe you wouldn't clap a friend on the back if you knew he had a sunburn. By the same token, and without criticism, I implore you, as a simple act of courtesy and kindness, since the jokes are striking already-bruised ears, to forbear -- to stop posting ethnic jokes. Please.