Geordie went to sign on at the dole. the dole clerk says "I've got just the job for you, can you drive?"
"I can anaal", says Geordie.
"Well", says the clerk "Start tomorrow, driver/conductor on a corporation bus, that means you drive, also collect fares".
Next day Geordie gets on the road wuth his double-decker bus. Two o'clock in the afternoon the phone rings in the bus depot. Geordies on the phone, "Can ye git oot here sharp to Porcy Street, the bus has gone through a shop window, broken glass aall ower".
"Good God!" says the inspector on the other end, "How did it happen?"
"I divvent knaa", says Geordie "I was upstairs taking the fairs at the time!"

There is a makam driving through the country near Shiremoor. She is wearing a toon top instead of her normal red and white top because she is sick of being made fun of.As she is driving along she notices some lambs in a field so she stops at a farmers house and asks, "those lambs are so cute, if I can guess how many you have, can I have one?"
The farmer says "Nae bother pet".
She quickly counts them and says "91!".
The farmer looks puzzled but says "Ok. Pet, take one."
As the lass is walking back to her car the farmer asks "Whey pet, If aa can guess the team you really support lyke, can aa have me dog back?"

Tony.