I and my buddy Clark wrote this one on behalf of a radical psychology faculty member who was de-railed on the tenure track at Michigan State University back in 1969. We failed to realize at the time that the song might have implications for our own academic careers. Foolish, incredibly foolish! It's a dangerous song to sing, and apparently one that never seems to grow obsolete:

TENURE TANGO, THE
(Words by Clark Akatiff & Charlie Ipcar, © 1969; tune: jug band style as in "What are We Fighting For?)

It's a cloistered place, an ivory tower;
Professors gettin' richer by the hour,
Doing the tenure tango:

Chorus:

It's one step forward, two steps back,
Moving down that tenure track,
Doing the tenure tango!

That tenure train is all the rage,
If you fit the tenure gauge,
Doing the tenure tango: (CHO)

Don't look forward, don't look back;
You might jump that tenure track,
Doing the tenure tango: (CHO)

Don't look left, don't look right;
Do your research every night,
Doing the tenure tango: (CHO)

Textbook here, textbook there;
Here-a-text, there-a-text, everywhere a text, text,
Doing the tenure tango: (CHO)

We've got students from wall to wall;
Anymore come, have to stack 'em in the hall,
Doing the tenure tango: (CHO)

Leave your students in the lurch,
You can call it "Pure Research,"
Doing the tenure tango: (CHO)

Repeat the first verse, chorus, and exit in congo line.