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REX, THE PIDDLING PUP

A farmer's dog came into town
His Christian name was Rex
A noble pedigree had he
Unusual was his text
And as he trotted down the street
'twas beautiful to see
His work on every corner
His work on every tree

He watered every gateway, too,
And never missed a post.
For piddling was his specialty
And piddling was his boast.
The city curs looked on amazed
With deep and jealous rage
To see a simple country dog
The piddler of the age.

Then all the dogs from everywhere
Were summoned with a yell,
To sniff the country stranger o'er
And judge him by his smell.
Some thought that he a king might be
Beneath his tail a rose,
So every dog drew near to him
And sniffed it up his nose.

They smelled him over one by one
They smelled him two by two
And noble Rex, in high disdain,
Stood still till they were through.
Then just to show the whole shebang
He didn't give a damn
He trotted in a grocery store
And piddled on a ham.

He piddled in a mackerel keg
He piddled on the floor,
And when the grocer kicked him out
He piddled through the door.
Behind him all the city dogs
Lined up with instinct true
To start a piddling carnival
And see the stranger through.

They showed him every piddling post
They had in all the town.
And started in with many a wink
To pee the stranger down.
They sent for champion piddlers
Who were always on the go,
Who sometimes did a piddling stunt
Or gave a piddling show.

They sprung these on him suddenly
When midway in the town;
Rex only smiled and polished off
The ablest, white or brown.
Now Rex was with them every trick
With vigor and with vim.
A thousand piddles more or less,
Were all the same to him.

So he was wetting merrily
With hind leg kicking high,
When most were hoisting legs, in bluff
And piddling mighty dry.
On and on Rex sought new grounds
By piles and scraps and rust,
Till every city dog went dry
And piddled only dust.

But on and on went noble Rex
As wet as any rill,
And all the champion city pups
Were pee'd to a standstill.
Then Rex did free-hand piddling
With fancy flirts and flits
Like "double dip" and "gimlet twist"
And all those latest hits.

And all the time this country dog
Did never wink or grin,
But piddled blithely out of town
As he has piddled in
The city dogs conventions held
To ask, "What did defeat us?"
But no on ever put them wise
That Rex had diabetes.