As you can probably guess, you meet a lot of the anally probed in police work. When I first started, I had a Desk Sgt. who would keep rolls of aluminum foil and a ready-made chain made out of paper clips in his desk drawer.

When the wackoids and zoomies (a zoomie is a wackoid with Attention Deficit Disorder)came in to complain of alien butt probes, embedded chips or sub-toilet communications, he would advise them that they needed an metal helmet to ward off the rays, and they should be grounded at all times, to shunt off the impacts.

Thus, it was not uncommon to see very happy citizens leaving the police station, wearing skull caps made out of aluminum foil, and carefully dragging the paper clip chain behind them...

And the Desk Sgt got so many Letters of Commendation for his efforts, the Captain couldn't touch him...