Flattop, that story will definitely win some kind of award at the next conversation-stoppers competition. But I was actually going to turn this into a musical thread, with a round that I learned from Lani Herrmann of California:

I sat next to the Duchess at tea
It was worse than I thought it would be
Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal
And everyone thought it was me

(There's also another (inferior) version for those pedants who object to the improper case of the personal pronoun...)

Aloha,
Mark