Dear Cleigh - I felt that this matter was simply too contentious for my sincere but still limited grasp of Midwestern American social mores, and that therefore I should consult the oracle instead.

Let me explain...

We have an oracle in Orillia, Ontario, down at the Park. People consult it regularly on difficult matters like this. It is said to be infallible. So...I did ask the oracle, and this is what it said.

(Ahem...)

"Dear Cleigh O'Possum...you runty little hollow-assed excuse for a blown rodent, you hairless sesquipedalian pissant posing as a shelf display, you brainless, titless, witless, feckless, non-organic subentity, shut your pathetic whining gob and learn to appreciate great European art objects when they are put before you. You make me ill! Get reamed or shut up!

That will be five dollars, please."

Sorry about this, Cleigh, but that's what it said...

My condolences...

- LH