Well done all! Can't tell you how much this story gave me a laugh. Okay, humble contribution.....

Goodbye Spitoon (Goodbye Old Paint)

Oh when I'm fired
Take my diploma from the wall
Get my stethoscope and throw it in the hall
My spitoon's in the garbage
For everyone to pass
10 years of med school and I'm out on my ass

I'm chewin' Copenhagen, I'm chewin' my Skoal
Just couldn't hit that little brass hole
Some quacks do dumpster basketball
Like Dr J. and the rest
But now the posse's gunning for
The fastest chaw in the the mid-west

I could handle everything
Appendectomies to colds
Now I'm hired for birthday parties
For five year olds
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR

Nobody liked it in exams
When the juice'd just spurt
I'd say "Hand over your tonsils
And no one gets hurt"
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR

I'm chewin' Copenhagen, I'm chewin' my Skoal
Just couldn't hit that little brass hole
Some do dumpster basketball
Like Dr J. and the rest
But now the posse's gunning for
The fastest chaw in the the mid-west
Goodbye spitoon, I'm leavin' OR