The guinea pigs shrieked, and the snake heaved forward, and I got between the snake and the pigs -- not really my favourite place to be on earth, but it was what Mrs. Hawkeye would have done -- and shouted: "ALLRIGHT LISTEN UP!!! THIS IS MARLENE SPEAKING. I WILL BE YOUR TOUR GUIDE AND DOMINATRIX DURING THIS TRIP. ALL YOU PETS STILL IN CAGES AND YOU THAT ARE OUT, WE ARE A ZILLION MILES FROM NOWHERE, AND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET FROM HERE TO HOME, AND TO DO THAT WE NEED SOME NEUTRALITY!!!! NOBODY EATS ANYONE ELSE IN PRESENT COMPANY, O.K.!!! WHEN WE GET SORTED OUT, WE WILL TAKE A ROLL CALL AND TALK ABOUT WHAT TO DO NEXT. " Animals. Anyway, the snake shrugged, which is pretty good when you don't have shoulders, the pigs giggled, and the assorted animals still caged ruffed agreeement.

Up to this point I hadn't actually descended into despair, but I began to sympathise with that moment in "Sands of Iwo Jima" or whatever when John Wayne looks at the new recruits and shakes his head at the impossibility of it all. Count to this point, and I was still rummaging around:
(1) Parrot, Enrico Caruso, with delusions of piracy;
(1) Thank you Parrot, one snake (Python), no name, but not unlike a long stringy piece of luggage;
(1) Also thank you Parrot, 3 guinea pigs still alive (!) Ralph, Roiser, and Doister.
(1) DOG who I was leaving till last;
(1) Another Damn Dog (BEAR?);
(1) Griffon, a neutered cat, don't you hate modern medicine?
and that was the A Team to date.

It was about time to hold a meeting, but I thought I would check out another cage or two first. I dollied over to another cage, which had a water dish in it, and a couple of rocks, and that was about it. I was turning away, when a voice drawled:

"I would sure appreciate it if you could see your way to getting me out of the pen, ma'am, if you get a moment, I mean."

I don't know about you, but I am a sucker for politeness, being rude myself. The only problem was, I couldn't see anything in the darkness of the cage but the rocks. And then one of them moved. A turtle. Oh good. We should be back home round about the turn of the next millenium.

I shrugged, and opened the cage. He wasn't going anywhere fast.