CUSPIADOR
Tune is from an opera I think, Carmen? I know less about opera than I do about songwriting.

I am a surgeon a man of high degree
Cuspiador, Cuspiador,
Lie down, and I'll remove your freakin' spleen
Olly Olly ox in free,
They say I'm crazy here, I'm on a spree,
Just put your trust in me.

Look at my snakeskin boots, see how they shine
Cuspiador, Cuspiador
Riding chaps, oh yes the rhinestones they are mine,
Diddle-dee die dee lum dum didle-dee,
There goes your pancreas, I'll fix your knee
Oh whoopee ti yi yee

They tried to stop me, made me jump and shout
Cuspiador, Cuspiador
I tell you, that bloody kidney must come out
Then you'll be fit to sing
Ptooo and spit spit spit, ptooo pting
I'll make your bedpan ring

All of the whitecoats said I was a loon
Cuspiador, Cuspiador,
Why can't a cowboy have his own spitoon?
My belt buckle's five foot four
See how they drag me out, with fevered brow
I guess I'm finished now

Clifton