Corrrrrrnerrrred in the damp forrrrest wiv a dog is not the bessed plaice forakat, so I fort to micelf "ditch da dog atafirzopachoonitee". I weighted until the daftolebugger woz asleap (well alright, I beat him insensibul wiv my pause an then I sliped off sharpish into de twylyte. Corrr. Dat ole dog wozunt two bad az dogz go but ee didnarf penanink. der iz nufink kwite as unplezant as de wiff of de damp dogg. Anyway, for da moment I woz free ov im an I desided too get sum cafoo at the firsopachonitee. Soown I fownd a trak leeding into a huming settulmunt. I made my weigh jinjerly dounit towards de lytez. Shit it woz a bleedin HGV rattlinalong ata fairole pase. Corrrrr. neerly losst wun ov me lyvez. shit. Anyway, apaht from a fyoo embarrasmuntz ov that naytchur, I woz soon safely in de town wiv de big dimwit humingz. Now de first owse I tried, der woz no bugger atome, so I went roundebak and ad a bitovasniff at de binz, well, slim pickins theyre. Jusaload of dirtee magazeenz an de contentz of de hoova.

I triyed the nex owse an was rudelee struck abowt de hyndecorrrtaz wiv de boot ov a big bugger wiv a nalergee. Cor shitt. But soon I ad foun a noleladee. oleadeez iz alwayz a gud tuch for de caffooo, but ya do ave to sitt upp an begg wich iz a bit shit reely.

Anyweigh, soon I ad filled me bely wiv caffooo and i fort eyed betta be movinon. I ad a rare pang ov conshuns an I fort id betta gow bak for de silleeoledogg.

English Jon's Cat