I once mowed my way through a can of salty, crispy little things that somebody set out on a coffee table. I picked up the can to read the label and discovered that they were fried grasshoppers. My host then suggested that I try the chocolate-covered bees, but I declined, thank you.

A book called Possum Living suggests the following as an endless food source for lean times: borrow a lab coat, a net, and a clipboard. Go downtown. Catch a pigeon in the net (fairly easy to do), then mime making a note on the clipboard. Because you are obviously some kind of scientist, this may give you some immunity from arrest for molesting city pigeons (a law in some cities). Continue until you have as many pigeons as you think you need. Properly prepared, the author claims, city pigeon compares favorably with Cornish game hen. I've never actually done this, but I am told that you should either a) not do it at all, or b) at least cook them thoroughly, because city pigeons can carry all kinds of parasites and diseases.

Not all that weird, really, but I used to buy small pre-cooked hams and construct bagel sandwiches composed of a thick slice of ham, a slice of cheese, a slice of onion, and a generous dollop of mustard. I would take a couple of these to work with me. A co-worker of the Hebrew persuasion noted the ham and bagel combination and dubbed them "blasphemy sandwiches." He warned me, "Firth, God's gonna get you for that!"

I definitely vote for peanut butter and dill pickle sandwiches. Talk to ya later. Snack time!

Don Firth