Alright, here it comes . . . I wrote this at 3 a.m. this morning, after sleeping on the sofa in front of the TV . . . that's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it . . .

I'm fairly confident that everyone on the globe remembers the sad story of Loreena Bobbit, her husband, and that incident with a certain piece of cutlery. Personally, I never bought that 'mad with jealousy' defense that her lawyer talked her into. At last, the real reason for her 'temporary insanity' can be revealed . . .

Loreena's Raison
(Tune: Corina, Corina)

Chorus:
Loreena, Loreena,
Where'd ya put that knife?
Can't you hear that chicken?
It's been squawkin' all night.
Now get that knife and chop it,
This just can't go on,
Loreena, Loreena,
Or honey, I'll be gone!

Well, we all remember,
'bout that fateful day,
When Loreena 'lost' it,
Then she threw 'it' away.
But, the truth of the matter,
That couldn't be told then,
Was that the 'other woman',
Was really a hen!

Ev'rybody in town knew,
About his taste for 'chicks',
Loreena heard the whispers,
But bein' a little 'thick',
She drove to Barnes and Noble,
And bought up ev'ry book,
With chicken in the title,
So she could learn to cook.

Loreena, Loreena,
Where'd ya put that knife?
Can't you hear that chicken?
It's been squawkin' all night.
Now get that knife and chop it,
This just can't go on,
Loreena, Loreena,
Or honey, I'll be gone!

Loreena barbequed 'em,
Flambéed and deep fat fried,
She stewed and souped in hope that
He would be satisfied.
But, he kept skippin' supper,
To 'diddle' on the sly,
She thought it was her cookin',
And ev'ry night she cried.

Then one night he came home,
His 'chick' was out of town,
Loreena was so happy,
She put her cookbooks down.
She stuffed her bird to roast it,
To show she was a good wife,
But she forgot that last step,
That involved the knife.

Loreena, Loreena,
Where'd ya put that knife?
Can't you hear that chicken?
It's been squawkin' all night.
Now get that knife and chop it,
This just can't go on,
Loreena, Loreena,
Or honey, I'll be gone!

Bloated with too much stuffin',
That bird began to swell,
And of its earthly troubles,
It began to tell.
Mr. Bobbit jumped up,
His wife to loudly scold,
And how that evenin' ended,
Already has been told.

Sittin' in the hoosgow,
Loreena was confused,
When of her cookin' defects,
She was disabused.
She'd thought it was the peahen,
That needed to be changed,
But it was the peacock,
That she rearranged!

Loreena, Loreena,
Where'd ya put that knife?
Can't you hear that chicken?
It's been squawkin' all night.
Now get that knife and chop it,
This just can't go on,
Loreena, Loreena,
Or honey, I'll be gone!


. . . I really gotta get more sleep . . .

-- Áine