How?

It's easy.

Performance is the biggest drug I've ever run across.

To be on the stage... to have the bright lights, the crowd, the nights that you feel on...

And then having to walk off stage. Questioning yourself. Questioning whether it could be better. Not knowing how long you have until those crowds go away... no knowing whether they already have in their minds, and you're just missing it.

Throw in the constant moving... the inconvenience (at first) of not being able to stay in one place for long, as you need to keep touring to make the money to live... an inconvenience that in the end becomes all you remember, all you know how to do...

Combine that with the horde of people around you whom are all more than willing to supply you with any number of poisons while you're 'up', and the constant knowledge that all of those 'friends' will desert you the moment you start to head 'down' in popularity... but you don't know where or who your real friends are, because maybe one or two of the ones you thought were 'real' are just along for the ride as well...

It's a hell of a life. I've been lucky enough to not get stuck headfirst in THAT particular toilet.

I've just been close enough to know that I'd do just about anything to do it again.

THAT is what drives 'em all to self destruction. It's not a life for a sane human, but dear God... what a whirlwind it is while it lasts.

M