The Half Dead Ted Tavern For Hosers and Back Bacon Cafe is now open for business.

The sign in the window says, "Are you a hoser? Got the balls to admit it? Well then what are you waiting for, eh? Get in here, you hoser!"

The smell of back bacon and doughnuts drifts through the kitchen door. Red Rose Tea and beer are on tap.

Several men and women are sitting around tables and at the bar. On most of them, the winter skin is almost gone except for a few lingering traces left on some noses and cheeks.

Johnny Death leans toward the hoser with the baggy pants on the stool next to him. His face is right up close, and he's got a wild gleam in his eye. He says, "So what do you think about women?" The room goes silent.

The door swings open and a man with a big mop of hair and a pathological number of harmonicas hanging all over him glides smoothly into the room. He's got a gleam in his eye, too. The reason becomes clear as the door swings open again and a tall, slender, dark haired woman wearing an 'Atherly Arms' t-shirt strides into the room with the confidence of a dancer and calendar pin-up girl.

In the death like silence of the room, no one dares to draw a breath. Who's going to be the biggest hoser now?

...and the bartender and cook shouts, "Back bacon's ready! Tea's hot! What are all you hosers waiting for? What'll it be?"

A woman sitting at the end of the bar with an accordion case resting on the floor near her feet says, "Got any coffee?"...