There are some truly amazing, riotously funny songs in this thread!! Sorry it took me so long to get around to writing anything (I hate it when life gets in the way of parody!).

In one of the recent SONG CHALLENGE! threads, MMario observed that I have a sick, twisted, demented mind... so it seems I now have a reputation to uphold! With that in mind, I submit two offerings for those of you with strong stomachs...


ONE TIN-FOILED REAR (The Legend of Grill E. Rack)
Tune: "One Tin Soldier (The Legend of Billy Jack)"

Listen, prisoners, to a story
Short on briefs but long on gore
'Bout a judge inside a courtroom
And the lad he hungered for.

In the mall, the boy sought treasures
Buried them beside his stones
In the secret undergarment
Made of tin-foil that he owns.

CHORUS:
Go ahead and baste him, neighbor.
Go ahead and eat him, friend.
Cook him with a flame or oven;
You can just apply heat to his end.
There won't be many rump roasts
Done the judge-man's way
On the wood he's warming up there:
One tin-foiled rear fries away.

When the young man left the mall, he
Was arrested by a guard.
Though his theft went undetected,
That kid's hard-on seemed too hard.

Came the day of trial and sentence
And the judge said, "For your crime
Of impersonating meat in
Reynolds Wrap, your ass is mine."

CHORUS:
Go ahead and baste him, neighbor.
Go ahead and eat him, friend.
Cook him with a flame or oven;
You can just apply heat to his end.
There won't be many rump roasts
Done the judge-man's way
On the wood he's warming up there:
One tin-foiled rear fries away.

Now the judge announced a cookout
At his house for all the courts
And they brought the prisoner to it
Still clad in his shiny shorts

Now they stood beside the boy who
Bragged of what his tattoo said,
Tore the foil and looked beneath it:
"Eat me"; that was all they read.

CHORUS:
Go ahead and baste him, neighbor.
Go ahead and eat him, friend.
Cook him with a flame or oven;
You can just apply heat to his end.
There won't be many rump roasts
Done the judge-man's way
On the wood he's warming up there:
One tin-foiled rear fries away.



STOCKY ROUND TIN HIDE (Colorado)
Tune: "Rocky Mountain High"

He was mourned by his mother; he was never heaven near,
Bummin', roamin' to Macy's and each other store.
He left honesty behind him, you might say he would scorn good men.
You might say he got things free through every door.

When he first wrapped foil around him, his mind was far away
On the load of stuff he'd steal ere long.
But the tin's all that he's hopin' will disguise the loot in there.
He keeps changin' pants 'cause tin foil can't stay strong.

But his Colorado Stocky Round Tin Hide
I've seen it strainin' far from inside
The crinkling at his waistline is louder than I can abide
Stocky Round Tin Hide (Colorado)
Stocky Round Tin Hide (Colorado)

He climbed the escalator, the mall's silv'ry stores below.
He saw merchandise as far as he could see.
And they say that he got greedy once: tried to steal a microwave
And it zapped his ass at full capacity

Then he walked into the lavatory to give vent to his screams
Seeking ways to put out all the flame.
His flight into the toilet electrocuted the poor man
Whose stupidity was what clearly brought him fame.

But his Colorado Stocky Round Tin Hide
I've seen it strainin' far from inside
Talked to guards who listened to it sizzle as it fried
Stocky Round Tin Hide (Colorado)
Stocky Round Tin Hide (Colorado)

Now his life is done and over, but our ears still know and hear
Of the simpleton who could not comprehend,
When he tried to stick a microwave down inside his tin-foil drawers,
That he should unplug the other end.

But his Colorado Stocky Round Tin Hide
I've seen it strainin' far from inside
I know he'd be alive today if he stole a microwaving guide
Stocky Round Tin Hide (Colorado)
Stocky Round Tin Hide (Colorado)