SharonA . . Sorry, but no, no, no - don't suggest her credibility is at stake .. Part of her problem is (very likely, I guess nothing's certain in these matters) low self esteem. ANYTHING which can push that down further is harmful to her, however well-intentioned. If there's anything you can do to boost her self-esteem then go for that . . it might even help her, slowly, to the point where she can decide to re-order her life.

Similarly, I'd suggest stern is out as well. If you're going to achieve anything then the approach has to be gently, gently. AND you have to accept that the chances are that your efforts won't make any difference that you can perceive.

People often have to fool themselves in order to preserve some vestige of self-respect . . taking that away from them isn't helpful.

Forget all notions of justice. That's not within your grasp . . If you've a generous spirit you simply have to stamp on your natural feelings of anger, etc. and do what little you can to support the friend, until she makes the decision to change her circumstances.

The only time we were involved in this sort of situation with a mature adult (if you know what I mean) the lady in question finally got as far as finding and paying a deposit on a flat, to move out from the guy. Then she totally changed her mind and decided to stay put! And, pretty well, stopped having anything to do with us.

George