A couple of people have asked whether there are children, and that's the crucial question. Please note, I'm not suggesting that Concerned Friend ought to tell us, I can see why she (I take it CF is a woman) mightn't want to give any details that might risk identifying the people involved on an open forum like this.

If there are children it changes things, because as Mrrzy said, a child in this sort of situation is being abused, even if there's no question of them being physically assaulted. The wishes of the mother become secondary to the needs of the child, in my view.

But if there are no children, and the woman has not cracks up to a state where she isn't capable of making decisions for herself, I think the advice that has been given to stand back has to apply. (If it was my daughter I'd probably want to go round and break his legs, but that's just a feeling, it wouldn't solve things, and could make them worse.)

Just one suggestion, and it might not be a good one. But, if she's a professional in the business, there'd be nothing inappropriate for colleagues to ask her for advice on dealing with a case like this.

I mean, if I was still a social worker, I can easily imagine that I might talk about this very case, which I have been reading about on the Mudcat, with colleagues. "How do you think the woman's colleagues ought to respond in this case I've been reading about?" I might ask, explaining that I was thinking of posting any interesting suggestions in the thread.

The hope would be that she might be able to look more objectively at what was happening in her own life. Or even that she might open up about it. (And of course, it's not impossible that it might actually be something different from what you are thinking, unlikely though that might be from what you have said.)