Thought you might enjoy this parody from the singing of John Bond and Penny Black


MY ENGLISH COUNTRY GARDEN.
As recorded by Penny Black Folk on "A Snapshot of Penny Black" (2013)

How come the flow'rs just never seem to grow
In my English country garden?
I'll tell you some of the reasons that I know
And those I miss, I'm sure you'll pardon:
Nettles in the flower bed, sparrow droppings on the shed,
Stick to the walls and harden.
Oh, how come the weeds all propagate their seeds
In my English country garden?
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Thistles – don't forget the thistles.
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I took a look at an illustrated book
Showing ev'ry garden creature.
There are a few that I can show to you,
That the author didn't feature:
Kamikaze bumblebees, anaconda centipedes,
Even a vampire robin.
It takes a gun, not a spray, to keep the beasts away
From my English country garden.
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Woodlice - don't forget the woodlice.
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Now, I can't believe that Adam and Eve
Wanted Eden for their garden.
I'll venture that they'd have swapped it for a flat,
If the church would beg my pardon.
When Adam and the serpent met, Adam took it as a pet,
Serpents can be domesticated.
But I can surely name a few that he can't tame,
In my English country garden.
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Hedgehogs - he can't tame the hedgehogs.
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So verily I say that I will never be
A vegetable grower,
So I've decided what I ought to do,
And to hell with Percy Thrower:
Cover it with broken bricks, get a load of Ready-Mix,
Spread it and let it harden.
Then I'll cultivate a concrete* estate,
In my English country garden.
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Robin--what about the robin?
Robin--vampire robin.

* Concrete - pronounced con-ca-rete.