The Pig At The Bar
Tune: The Waggoner's Lad
I am a poor piglet, my story is bitter
I have always been pampered, the pride of my litter
My siblings had sow-teat, which often ran dry,
By fed from a bottle by a virgin was I
My owner's a fine lass, the cows call her Maarm
She has flocks of fine geese and a couple of farms
She told me quite early, from the pig pen I'm barred
For she had me in mind for a Pig Movie star!
While others got leavings, they fed me on beer
And I learned early on 'twas the better career!
My sisters are bacon, and cold barbecue
But I never did fear, til that terrible 'flue!
It came from those other beasts who live way down south,
And the lawyers they call it that hard hoof-in-mouth
And at first we all panicked, but Maarm did but laugh
Saying "Look what it took to save Pheonix the calf!"
So my heart rested easy, I was Grunty the star,
'Til Maarm had to travel, to holdings afar
And when she returned, or the day after that,
My life was served summons, by a man in a hat.
I'm a rare kune kune, and I've been in films three
And my heart it cries out, "They can't do this to me!!"
And Maarm she stands weeping, but swears she won't budge.
So my life's in the hands of a humanoid judge!
I stand here before you, I am handsome and trig,
My life I am begging from a man in a wig!
I'll get down on pig's knuckle, I will do any thing
If you spare me I swear I shall learn how to sing.
The judge is an old man, his spirit is gray
And over his left shoulder, his gaze it does stray,
I am bound to be pork chops, my heart fills with doom!
Then he answers with freedom!! And light fills the room!
I am back in my home, 'tis a silk-lined new sty
And my films are blockbusters, and our revenue's high
I am fat, sleek and happy, and my girth it is big,
Pray God, shower blessings, on that man in the wig!
duplicate postings and embarrassing plea deleted per request by mudelf ;-)