Boy! A guy takes off for a long weekend and he nearly misses a Song Challenge! Sheesh - THAT one went fast!

Well... belatedly... here's my entry. I figure the judge COULD have ruled the OTHER way....

STREETS OF OLD STAWLEY (Grunty's Lament)
Tune: Streets of Laredo
Words by Al Boyce 8/6/2001

With my gumboots I walked in the pigpens of Stawley,
With my gumboots I walked in old Stawley one day,
I spied a young porker all wrapped up in parsley
Apple in mouth, and as cold as the clay.

"Oh, bake my ham slowly, my hocks pickle coldly,
My intestines makes sausages both thick and long,
Take me to the roaster and baste juices o'er me
For I'm a young piglet and my owner's done wrong."

"I see by your white smock that you're an inspector"
These words he did snort as I stepped in his sty.
"Come wallow beside me and hear my sad story,
Foot-and-Mouth's got me, and I know I must die."

"Let sixteen butchers come carry my carcass,
Let sixteen barbecues roast my ribs long,
Take me to the picnic and swab the sauce o'er me
For I'm a poor hog and my owner's done wrong."

"My friends and relations, have all become bacon,
To the roadhouse in heaven their swine-souls have gone",
He first came to Somerset, a retired TV actor,
Oh, I'm a young piglet and my owner's done wrong."

"Go gather around you a crowd of young oinkers,
And tell them the story of this, my sad fate;
Tell one and the other before they go further
To escape from old Stawley before it's too late."

"It was once in the bush in New Zealand I rambled
Among the Maori I used to go play,
Then captured, transported and made to make movies,
Now for infected gumboots, I am dying today."

"Get six jolly waiters to carry my platter,
Get six waitresses carrying baked beans and slaw,
Put slices of cornbread aside of my platter,
Put cans out to catch the rib bones as they fall."

"Then spin the grate slowly, swing your spatula lowly,
And let them all drool as you carry me along,
And in the grill throw me, let the charcoal bake o'er me
For I'm a young piglet and my owner's done wrong."

"Go bring me a trough, a trough of cold slop-wash
To cool my parched snout," the poor porker said;
Before the spit turned, the spirit had left him
And gone to Hog Heaven --- the piglet was dead.

We ate his ham slowly and chewed his ribs lowly,
And knawed on his hocks as the day wore along,
For we all loved our Grunty, on TV so funny,
But barbecue's delicious, we ate him all gone!

Hmm... let's see...

I won ...
...the Golden Cow Chip with Shamrock Cluster...
...the Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon...
...the Golden Cow Chip with Guiness Crest...
...the Golden Cow Chip with Cleigh's Blue Flume Shield...
...the Golden Cow Chip with Two-Fer-One Coupon...
...the Golden Cow Chip with Doo-Lynn Ditty Digger Decoration...
...the Golden Cow Chip with Memorial MMario Silver-Plated Spitoon...
...the Super-Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award...
...the Imperial Order of All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts...

I wonder what ELSE I could win... hmmmm..... ;-D

- Al, shamelessly grovelling for the WHOLE BAG OF CHIPS!