HANDY
(Tune: "Brandy" by Looking Glass)

(doo-doo de doo-doo), (de doo-doo de doo-doo)

There's a pot where the keesters stay
And put turds, a hundred sh*ts a day.
Lady's suitors pass their slime away
And gawk at "Better Homes".

This old girl's in a party gown
And she flushed both her dentures down.
Called a handyman to come around.
He heard her whimper and whine:

"Oh, plumber, you're handy.
Could you find, sir, (could you fiiiind, sir)
Where my good teeth they could be?" (could you fiiiind, sir)
Yeah, he tried to deal her dentures
For a fee.

(doo-doo de doo-doo), (de doo-doo de doo-doo dee)
Hand he put right down the drain
To the teeth that stuck there when she's pulled the chain.
Her pocket had not the gain
That the man demanded of

The dame. "What a bummer! Pray,
Where's a gift of cash to pay?"
This she said unclearly (couldn't say
No proper words with gums).

The plumber's so handy,
He could find pearls (he could fiiiind pearls)
Where a good ripe sh*t would be. (he could fiiiind pearls)
But his livelihood came from ladies
Such as she.

(doo-doo de doo-doo), (de doo-doo de doo-doo)

He planned; he'd use the wad for buys
When he sold this sale so gory.
He could feel the old sh*t in incis-ors,
Heard her great sob-story.
But he had always sold the tooth
When it flushed down johns and jammed,
And, man, she'd flushed the best teeth in the land.

(doo-doo de doo-doo), (de doo-doo de doo-doo doo)
The right boyfriend came around,
Handed bucks to the sly old scound-
-rel. Does he let her have her brown
Teeth? Does he cheer her? Nay!

The boyfriend said, "Hand me
What is mine, girl. (what is miiiine, girl)
For your good teeth, pay a fee (what is miiiine, girl)
Or your mouth is gummy. So hate me.
They're not free!"

(doo-doo de doo-doo), (de doo-doo de doo-doo doo)

"Hand me
What is mine, girl. (what is miiiine, girl)
For your good teeth, pay a fee (what is miiiine, girl)
Or your mouth is gummy. So hate me.
They're not free!"